Navigating Life as a Parent and an Ostomate

At the age of 47, Kimberly Holiday Coleman was diagnosed with cancer and underwent stoma surgery. Despite a shaky start, she soon gained the experience and confidence to manage both her ostomy and her life as a mom. 

Read about how Kimberly navigated the challenges of parenting with an ostomy.

When I received a stage 2 colorectal cancer diagnosis and then had ostomy surgery, who would have guessed that the journey would entail navigating all kinds of challenging and sometimes uncomfortable situations with people, including my three children? But staying calm and keeping the lines of communication open helped make things easier. 

Interactions with my children before and after my stoma surgery

After four months spent processing the fact that their mother had cancer, our children, who were seven, 10, and 12 years old at the time, had to watch the Emergency Medical Technicians (EMTs) wheel me out of the house during a medical emergency. I had completed my initial cancer treatment protocol of oral chemotherapy and radiation, and was resting for my upcoming bowel resection surgery. But one day when my kids were home from school, I experienced a bowel obstruction and perforation. The memories of their scared and shocked faces as they watched me being taken away by ambulance stay with me to this day. 

I think that going through those experiences helped shape our children’s thoughts about their mother having an ostomy. Because they were so happy that I was still with them, they seemed unphased by it. When I got home from the hospital, our two daughters wanted to see my stoma both covered and uncovered. And our seven-year-old son also asked to check out my stoma. With all three of them, I would pause and ask, “Are you sure? Because this is where I poop from.” Each nodded an eager “Yes!” 

They would all get the same awed look on their face, as they took in what seemed to be an endless ladder of staples on my abdomen and the ostomy pouching system right next to it. After a moment, a gasp and a “Wow!” or “Cool!” would come. I felt like the Bionic Woman from that old television series! 

My first thoughts as a mother with an ostomy 

When I got home from the hospital with my ostomy, I wondered how I was going to juggle “Mom Life” again. I spent my days questioning how I was going to attend all or any of my kids’ events when there was the potential for random leaks and the pouch filling spontaneously. Because I was new to changing it and knew the process would take an extended amount of time, I was wary of going out for long periods. 

I would leave the house with my homemade “Emergency Ostomy Bag” that was the size of a mini diaper bag. It was filled with all the products I might need, including medical water bottles, lubricating deodorant, skin creams, stoma powder, and adhesive sprays/removers. I also brought along spare pairs of underwear and pants, and at least six extra pouching appliances. All for one event! 

On top of all of that, I worried that my ostomy (which I later named “Toodles”) would announce itself. It was quite noisy and active at the beginning, which made me anxious about being in certain public settings – like work, concerts, restaurants, and school events, to name a few. Sitting near an exit or close to the end of a row just in case my ostomy pouch made noise or filled quickly became my new norm. 

Gaining experience and confidence

Thankfully, my anxiety has gone away as I’ve watched our kiddos wear ostomy awareness shirts with confidence, participate in ostomy awareness walks, and share information about their pooping habits. They have also become more thoughtful about themselves and their health, and about my husband and me as parents. 

In addition, my travel bag size has decreased considerably. I came to understand that getting the most from my pouching system was less about the quantity of products and more about the quality. Once I began focusing on pairing a good skin prep routine and pouch application process with quality products, I was able to start living my life to the fullest. 

My solid, healthy ostomy care routine has allowed our family to travel, go to amusement parks, roller/ice skate, and be more spontaneous – which has brought us all closer. 

My approach to parenting with an ostomy 

My approach to parenting was shaped by my experiences with cancer and with my ostomy. Going through those things taught me not to sweat the small stuff, and to embrace and celebrate all the wonder-filled moments. Life happens, accidents happen, and poop happens. 

When the unexpected messes of life happen – and they will – I recommend pausing and taking a deep breath. Then, assess the situation with as calm a mind as possible. Look for solutions. Ask for help. Breathe again. And remember that one day down the road, if you keep the lines of communication open, you might be able to cry and laugh about the situation with your family and friends. 

In the end, as ostomates, we show our children what resilience is. They see that life doesn’t always go as planned. And that can be a good thing. For my family, we have retained our joy and laughter through it all. We still face the challenges of life, ostomy-related and not. Yet, we get through those challenges together, as a family that is “ostomy proud!”